A Chudail’s Love story – Author Mohit Sharma (Trendster)

*) – A Chudail’s Love story

(Mohit Sharma Trendster)

(Semi Finals Winning Entry against Author Rahul Ranjan)

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Dharti ki taraf badhte hue 2 Yamdoot apne bhavishya ko lekar gehan vartalap kar rahe the.

Yamdootar – “Teri duty bhi Tadapur lagi hai, gaya beta tu. Ab overtime karta firiyo….tere tabadle ki khabar sunkar jis Apsara se tera rishta tay hua tha uske parents bhi ab uski shaadi Mr. Yamdoot 2013 se karva denge.

Waise, yaar ek baat samajh nahi aayi, finals mey to tu bhi pahuncha tha aur tere bhi dole uski takkar ke hai phir kaise haar gaya tu…Mr. Yamdoot ka muqabla….”

Yamdootesh – “Haan! Mai bhi Mr. Yamdoot ban sakta tha. Judges k anusaar to muqabla barabari ka tha phir Tie Breaker mey hum dono ki muchhon ki motai naapi gayi jisme mai aadha se bhi kum millimeter se haar gaya…bilkul photo finish type decision tha. And No way!! Mujhe overtime nahi karna. Waise aesa kya hai Tadapur mey?”

Yamdootar – “Har state mey jaise apni High Court hoti hai waise hi har rajya mey Dev Yamraj ne ek City aur uske aas-paas k gaon-dehat aesi atript aatmaon ko allot kar rakhe hai jo kisi bhi wajah se Yamdoot k saath swarg ya nark nahi jaa sakti. Tadapur mey Bharat ki sabse zyada atript aatmaon ka vaas hai. Bagal mey hi doosre rajya ka gadh Cheemapur sthit hai par wo shaant ilaka hai.”

Yamdootesh – “Haan to kya hua? Mai ek Certified Yamdoot hun, mai aesi tatpunji aatmao se nahi darta…”

Yamdootar – “Bhai, unse cooperate karke chaliyo, ek to wo atript bhoot log hai unhe chunne se kate rehte hai kuch na kuch karne ke. Din mey 2-4 galat kaam karne ki mismisi chhuti rehti hai unme. Sangathit rehne se unki shakti badh gayi hai, wo apne aage kuch nahi dekhte aadmi ho ya yamdoot seedhe baja dete hai joot hi joot.

Jab humari complaints par Dev Yamraj ka bheja koi senior Adhikari inspection k liye aata hai to ye sab bilkul Shone Babu se ban jaate hai, jaise deen duniya ka kuch pata hi nahi, un adhikariyon ke jaane k baad waapas Dhaki-chiki Dhaki-chiki Dhaki-chiki Aau.…humari deadline aur targets miss karvate rehte hai ye Shaitaan ke pille.”

Yamdootesh ka Tadapur mey aagman sukhad nahi hua tha. Dharti par aakar unhe pata chala ki jin 2 Netao ki aatmao ko wo nark le jaane aaye the unko lekar aatmao ki 2 communities mey Gang-war chhida hua hai. Jahan Pappu Pret Gang un Netao k nark jaane se pehle unhe pratadna dena chahta tha wahin Sweety Chudail Gang unhe chhupaye hue tha kyoki un 2 netao ne apne ek khaali farm house ko Sweety Chudail k naam kar diya tha. Pappu Pret apne samarthak Preton k bade dal k saath Sweety Chudail Gang Colony k bahar Bhompu lekar pahuncha.

Pappu Pret – “Yo Sweety! This is not done. Hum Pret-Chudail log padosi hai aur saath bhatakte hai in 2 netao ki to waise bhi nark mey bhat pitni hai us se pehle inhone hum pret logo k saath jo gunah kiye hai uske liye inhe 2-4 din rakh kar agar thoda sa khel le hum Pret jan to kya burai hai….aur Naspitti tu badi zubaan ki pakki ban rahi hai, le liya na Farm House inse ab dafa kar inhe. ”

Sweety – “Farm House itna bada hai, mai ek Chudail only space chahti thi jiske liye wo farm house ekdum perfect hai. Ye Neta kisi Aghori ko set karke aaye hai agar inke nark jaane tak inko bachaya nahi to har doosri jagah ki tarah wo Farm House Babban Bhoot Gang hathiya lega, Bhooton ki majority ka faayda utha kar. Wo risk mai nahi le sakti….”

Pappu Pret – “Lagta hai ab Yuddh ka samay aa gaya hai. Mai shapath leta hun ki jab tak un dono Neta Aatmao k dhar k joot nahi bajaunga aur saath mey har Chudail ki chuttiya nahi fhaaddunga, eye brow nahi noch lunga..tab tak chain se nahi bhatakunga….Preton! Phatt de Chadde…Oh! Sorry…Chak de Phatte!!!”

Sweety Chudail kisi wajah se chup thi aur ek boring Test Ballebaaz ki tarah baaton aur Chill Poo mey Preton ka time nikal rahi thi.

Ye nazara thodi door se dono Yamdoot aur nishpaksh Babban Bhoot Gang k members dekh rahe the.

Yamdootesh – “Oh no! Aese to hum un 2 Netao ko le jaane mey late ho jaayenge aur agar Sweety Chudail ne yuddh ka elaan kar diya to yahan arajakta faail jaayegi. Mujhe unhe rokna hoga….”

“Lagta hai yahan naye aaye ho…Tadapur mey late hone ki aadat daal lo!”

Yamdootesh – “Aapki taareef?”

“Bada jigra hai re….Babban Bhoot ki taareef puchhne waalo ki tashreef kaat di jaati hai. Par teri himmat se hum khush huey. Aa baith…arre baith jaa, abhi nahi lad rahe ye dono gangs. Sweety Gang ki Chudailen paas k kasbe mey Ladies Sangeet mey gayi hui hai, aane mey thoda time lagega. Nahi to abhi tak ho gaya hota inka Commonwealth. Arre Sharma! Iske liye Bhaang ki pakodiyan aur Dhature ka juice lekar aao…”

Yamdootesh – “Mai nasha nahi karta.”

Babban Bhoot – “Arre ek jaam to dushman k saath bhi lagaya jaata hai Darling…”

Yamdootesh – “NAHI !!! Mere kuch usool hai…”

Babban Bhoot – “O Kaka ji! Ye Aadarshvaad ki peepni kahin aur bajaiyo….Natthu! Shake the Babla!”

Babban k ek ishare par Bhooton ki toli ne Yamdootesh ko zabardasti Dhature ka Juice pilaya, Bhaang ki pakodiyan khilayi aur smack ke injections lagaye.

Babban Bhoot – “Haaye thandak si mil gayi ! Sachche, Saaf Dil logo ke usool, aadarsh, pratigya tudvaane ka jo maza hai na wo Eucalyptus par ulta latakne mey bhi nahi hai. Yamdootar samjhao apne dost ko…agar ye beech mey padkar unki ladai rukva dega to unke gang kamzor kaise honge? Inki aapas ki ladai mey 10-12 Pret-Chudail ki punchh kate, 2-4 Apahij hon tab hi to humara gang aur mazboot hoga. Nothing personal, you see politics hai hi aesi cheez.”

Yamdootesh ne nishchit Pret-Chudail yudh ko rokne k liye Dev Yamraj k khaas Sahayak Dev ko emergency  call lagayi jo turant apne Yamdooto ki toli ko lekar haazir ho gaye. Aese signals har aatma ko dikh jaate the aur hamesha ki tarah sthiti bhaamp kar sabhi atript aatmayen ‘shona babu’ mode mey aa gayi. Nazara dekh Sahayak Dev Yamdootesh par baras pade.

“Mujhe aapse aesi apeksha nahi thi Yamdootesh! Dekho kitne bhole bhoot, pyaare pret aur cute chudail hai ye sab. Mai to kehta hun ki Mrityulok mey pure innocence kahin hai to wo…..Yahin hai! Yahin hai! Yahin hai!

Masoom, nireeh aatmaon ko pata nahi kyu yahan niyukt hue Yamdoot yun hi badnaam karte hai. Abhi mai in 2 netao ko nark le jaata hun par aage se bina kaaran humey yun bulaya gaya to aap ghor dand aur shaap k bhaagi banenge. Ab hum chalte hai. Bam Bam Bholey!”

Pappu Pret – “Sampail aur Pampail. Jaiye aap log escort kijiye Sahayak Dev ki toli ko. Aajkal zamana bahut kharab hai.” *winks*

Pappu Pret ka ishara samajh Preton ki toli se Pampail Pret aur Sampail Pret, Sahayak Dev k kaafile se sat gaye aur poore raaste bhar Yamlok k dwaar tak dono netao ko saavdhani se rath ki aad lekar ghunse, laat pelte chale gaye.

Idhar Sweety aur Yamdootesh k naina char ho gaye the.

Babban Bhoot – “Yaar! Yamdootar le jaa isko, mai tere dost k ghusand hi ghusand bajaye chala jaunga. Abhi apne senior se daant khaayi hai par sudhra nahi….gandi soch!”

Yamdootesh ko beech mey dakhl dene ki penalty k roop mey usko allot hua quarter Bhooton ko dena pada aur wo Yamdootar k quarter mey shift ho gaya.

Ab wo apna kaam anmane tareeke se karne laga aur udaas rehne laga. Sweety se bhi Yamdootesh k affair ki khabar har taraf thi jis baat se Babban Bhoot, Pappu Pret naraaz the. Ek din wo Yamdootar ko bina bataye vacation par chala gaya. Apne dost k liye Yamdootar ne overtime kiya aur seniors ko bhanak nahi lagne di kuch din. Aakhirkaar, Yamdootesh kaam par lauta par wo kahan gaya tha ye nahi bataya.

Sweety bhi Yamdootesh k waapas aane se khush thi. Ab wo dono chhup-chhup kar milne lage. Ek din aese hi Sweety ki godi mein Yamdootesh sar rakh kar leta tha.

Sweety – “….Ye devlok ka fabric kitna smooth hai, mere liye bhi mangwa do thoda. Tumpar purple dhoti suit karti hai, skin tone k according bahut dashing lagte ho usme. Aur please jab kisi aatma ko pakda karo le jaane k liye, to Gada side mey mat daba kar chala karo awkward lagta hai jaise koi Cricketer out hokar jaa raha ho.”

Yamdootesh – “Alright Janu! jaisa tum kaho. Kitni care karti ho tum meri. Thanks! You know what mai waapas kyu aaya….just because I feel poor when I don’t have your presence…”

Sweety – “Awwwww tumhari aawaz mey Janu kitna cute lagta hai.…aur Please please please tumhari eye brows bahut thick hai please threading karva liya karo kuch weeks mey, koi issue ho to mai kar dungi. Don’t be conscious na…Aajkal ladke bhi karva lete hai.”

Idhar ek Tantrik Yoman Baba ne Tadapur mey pravesh kiya jinka udeshya zyada se zyada aatmao ko mukti dilvana tha. Kai aatmayen aesi thi jinko shaanti k liye manviy roop se kuch jatan karne padte jaise koi apne ghar ke peeche naale ki zameen mey dhan gaad gaya tha apne parivaar k liye par achanak maut se kisi priyjan ko bata nahi paaya, ya kisi ki beti ka padosi k saath affair tha par ye pata chalte hi usko heart attack aa gaya aur unka affair chalta raha, apne padosi aur beti ko saza dene k uske armaan dhare reh gaye upar se jo baat sun kar usko heart attack hua wo uske marne k baad jaari thi….aese hi kai aur adhuri bhautik baaton aatmao ko atript bana diya tha.

Yoman Bana dheere dheere aese bhautik kaamo ko niptane lage aur kuch samay baad adhiktar atript aatmao ke bhautik bandhan toot gaye par ab bhi aatmao ki poorn mukti k liye unke gadh mey Amavas k ratri pahar mey ek maha-hawan baaki tha. Kuch aatmao k case hopeless the unhe kabhi mukti nahi mil sakti thi jaise kisi aatma ne kisi Raja ki poori kaum ko khatm karne ki pratigya lit hi par baad mey pata chala ki us Raja ki 400 se adhik anaitik santaane thi jinki apni kai santane ho chuki thi aura lag alag disha mey kai peedhiyan chal padi thi. 1-2 logo ki baat hoti to pehle Aghori reh chuke Yoman Baba khopche mey leke mundi marodne mey koi gurej na dikhate par baat yahan hazaro lakho logo ki thi. Santosh ki baat ye thi ki aesi hopeless aatmao ki sankhya kum hi thi. Yoman Baba k maha-yagya manshaon ki bhanak Bhooton, Preton aur Chudailon ko ab tak lag chuki thi. Prabhavshaali netao ko darr tha ki itni sankhya aatmao ka mukt ho jaana unke varchasva par prabhav daal sakta hai isliye unhone Yoman Baba ko molest karte hue Tadapur se khaded diya.

Unhe ye bhi pata chala ki itne din jo Yamdootesh gayab tha uska prayojan in Yoman Baba ko Tadapur laana tha. Yamdootesh ki phir se haaziri hui sanyukt sabha mey.

Yamdootesh – “Haan, bulaya maine Yoman Baba ko par mujhe laga tum logo ko shaanti milegi to us se khush hoge. Nahi chahiye shaanti to koi baat nahi. Mujhe aur punish mat karo, mai ab tum logo ki dincharya, ratricharya mey koi interfere nahi karunga. Jo marji aaye karo…”

Idhar Yamdootesh scene se gayab ho gaya aur usko Tadapur aur Cheemapur ki seema par sthit ekaant mey, No Man’s Land….No Ghost’s Land mey dekha jaane laga. Ab Yamdootesh ka Sweety se milna bhi bahut kum ho gaya. Yamdootar ne apne saathi par bilkul giveup kar diya tha.

Sweety ne ek din Yamdootesh ko ek khoobsurat Soni Chudail ke saath hangout karte dekh liya. Sweety aur Yamdootesh mey zabardast jhagda hua aur Sweety ruth kar chali gayi. Idhar Babban Bhoot aur Pappu Pret ka dil bhi Soni Chudail par aa gaya. Cheemapur mey bhi 2-3 prabhavshaali Bhoot, Pret pehle se hi Soni k deewane the. Pappu ne apne prabhav se Soni ko pana chaha par ye divya niyam tha ki bina vivah k doosre rajya ki seema mey pravesh nahi kiya jaa sakta, sirf No Ghost’s Land se koshish ki jaa sakti hai. Yamdootesh k charm se jealous Pappu, Babban ne usey Soni k Swayamvar k liye challenge kiya jo baat sun seema k doosri aur k bade Bhoot, Pret bhi aa gaye.

Soni k swayamvar k liye aagami amavas ki raat yaani agli hi raat nirdharit ki gayi jisme shakti, charisma, dance, singing gigs aadi pratiyogitaon mey dono rajyo k kuch Bhoot, Pret aur Yamdootesh mey muqabla hona tha. Ye aayojan Tadapur aur Cheemapur ki seema par hona tha jisko dekhne k liye dono taraf ki atript aatmao ki bheed lag gayi. Saathi Yamdootar ne Yamdootesh ko chaitavni di ki agar wo Chudail se shaadi par ada raha to wo high command shikayat kar usko suspend karva kar inhi atript aatmao ka ek saath banva dega. Par Yamdootesh par koi asar nahi pada.

Muqable hote gaye aur har muqable mey Yamdootesh jeetta raha. Idhar apne hero ko kisi aur ko pane k liye inti intensity dikhate hue Sweety ka dil ro raha tha. Wo apna Chudail gang lekar wahan se ud chali. 

Yamdootar ne bhi apni shikayat darj ki jiska review Amavas mey adhik shaktishaali huyi duniya bhar mey aatmao ki shaitaniyon ki wajah se abhi pending tha aur karyavahi swaroop  Sahayak Dev ko aane mey abhi kuch ghante lagne the.

Yamdootesh – “Kyu be Babban, Pappu…badi mismisi chhuti rehti hai, supporters ki bheed mey Vidhayako waala style maarte ho, bheed ki aad mey to bade laat-ghunse chalate ho. Ab aao one on one….na tum dono ki poonch kaat di to mera naam Yamdootesh nahi Kaddukesh.

Kaafi der tak chale muqablon mey sabhi maamlo mey Yamdootesh ne bade margin se comprehensive victories darj ki.

Aakhir mey jab varmala dalne ki baat aayi to Soni Chudail ne Cheemapur k ek Bhoot k gale mey varmala daali. Sab achambhit the ye kya hua. Ye khabar Khabri Chudail ne Sweety ko di to wo bhi kotuhal mey waapas venue par aa pahunchi.

Yamdootesh ne announcement kiya.

“Aaj Amavas ki raat jab aatmayen sabse adhik shaktishaali hoti hai us din bhi apna poora zor laga kar Swayamvar mai jeeta hun sirf apne prem se mili prerna ki wajah se par wo Swayamvar Soni k liye nahi tha, mera Swayamvar to Sweety k liye tha.”

Peepal par ulti latki achambhit, avaak Sweety dhadaam se zameen par giri.

“Ye sab ek natak tha jisme mere saath Cheemapur ki achchhi aatmayen shaamil thi. Unse milkar mujhe pata chala ki atript aatmayen hamesha huddangi ya bawaali nahi hoti balki achchh ibhi ho sakti hai bas unke neta aur disha nirdesh karne waali badi aatmayen achchhi honi chahiye. Soni ki pehle se hi shaadi ho chuki thi aur usne apne pati k gale mey hi varmala daali. Sweety ko bhi maine ye plan late bataya. Ab jab mai aap sabko sambodhit kar raha hun to bata dun ki Yoman Baba phir se Tadapur ki seema mey hawan kar rahe hai aur mere mic par swaha bolte hi wo poorn aahuti denge jis se aapme se adhiktar aatmao ko mukti mil jaayegi….. Yoman Baba Swaha!”

Isi k saath kai aatmayen aakash mey vileen ho gayi. Bas kuch Bhoot, Pret Neta aur Sweety samet kuch Chudailen bach gayi.

Babban Bhoot – “Par….humne to Tadapur mey jagah-jagah apne guard Bhoot-Pret chhode the kisi aapatkaaleen baat k liye….”

Yamdootesh – “….wo beech mey uth k jo Sweety Gang gaya tha wo kya ladies sangeet karne gaya tha? Kuch se to Yoman Baba khud nipat liye aur kuch ko sula diya Sweety & Company ne. Aur Ab zara tameez mey rehna 5-7 bache ho total usi style mey joot hi joot bajaunga jaise tum kabhi bajate the.”

Yamdootesh ne Yoman Baba ko Babban aur Pappu ko peetne, molest karne ka poora mauka diya. Phir unka dhanyavaad kar unko vida di. Inspection karne aaye Sahayak Dev eksaath itni aatmao ki mukti se khush dikhe par unhe verify karna tha ki kya Yamdootesh ne kisi Chudail se Shaadi ki hai.

Wo Tadapur mey bachi 4-5 Chudailon ki neta Sweety se mukhatib hue.

“Kya Yamdootesh ka kisi sthaniye ya videshi Chudail se chakkar chal raha hai? Kya wo aapki taraf aakarshit hote hai?”

Sweety Chudail – “Aapko galat soochna mili hai. Yamdootesh bahut hi kartavyaparayan Yamdoot hai. Itni aatmao ko shaanti pahuchane ka poora shrey unhi ko jata hai. Kuch prabhavshaali Bhooton ke dabaav mey wo sandesh aap tak gaye the. Waise bhi hum badsurat Chudailon ki aesi kismet kahan jo hum unhe paa saken…”

Ye sun Yamdootesh bhavuk ho gaye.

Sahayak Dev samanya sthiti dekh Yamdootar ko warning dekar chale gaye.

Sweety Chudail – “Prem karne se pehle duniyadaari ki sudh nahi rehti aur jab duniyadaari ki sudh aati hai tab tak prem ho chuka hota hai. Mujhe pehle hi pata tha ki humara milan nahi ho sakta par mai to pehle se hi atript hun isliye adhoori aankanshaon ki aadat hai Sweety ko. Tumhe door se hi sahi prem karti rahungi….”

Uske baad anya rajyo ki tarah Tadapur mey bhi vyavastha dharre par aayi aur wahan ki is doosri duniya mey bhi shaanti aayi.

 

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“Erectile Dysfunction Bitches !” (18 +) – Author Mohit Sharma Trendster

“Erectile Dysfunction Bitches !” (18 +)

(Mohit Sharma)

*Mature Content 

14th Century Asian Era/Backdrop

*Freelance Talents Quarter Finals Winning Entry against Author Deven Pandey

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Kabhi bade shetra aur kuch desho mey faila hua Yabari Dharm ab ek chhote desh Revanda tak simat kar reh gaya tha. Jiski wajah tha apne dharm ki aad lekar chhote rajyo ko hatiya raha Zehrab desh ka mool Shashak Illumnaat. Uske andhe samarthak (jinki samkhya sainik varg mey adhik thi) kisi tark ko nahi maante the aur chahte the ki duniya ka har vyakti sirf unka hi dharm Jirawo apnaye.

Doosre dharmo k Dharm Guruon ko Illumnaat ke isharo par ya to unke prabhav shetro se bhagaya jaa raha tha, khaareda jaa raha tha ya maara jaa raha tha. Illumnaat ye chhadm sandesh failana chahta tha ki Jirawo k alawa sabhi dharmo aur Zehrab shashit rajyo k alawa sabhi rajyo mey arajakta, paap ka mahaul tha aur Jirawo paalan karne se hi in buraiyon se bacha jaa sakta tha.

Illumnaat ka mukhya salahkaar Vardah ek kutil vidhvaan tha jo dharmo aur rajyo ka achchha jaankar tha. Wo aur Illumnaat jaante the ki janta ko kisi Ishwariye Prateek se hi daraya jaa sakta hai aur us Bhagwan ki aad mey apne mann ka kaam liya jaa sakta hai. Halanki, Illumnaat ki nitiyan chhadm thi par dharm guruon mey ye sandesh jaa chuka tha ki unke virudh gehra shadiyantra chal raha hai.

Yabari k sabse bade Dharm Guru Yabanov bhi ek sabha mey apni simat rahi pariniti par chintan mey doobe the, ki tabhi unki sabha mey ek yuva shishya ne sawal rakha.

“Mahan Yabanov! Dharm k naam par aaj tak bas maar-kaat hi dekhi hai. Kya sirf yahi dharm ka maksad hai? Agar aesa hai to Nastik log kisi bhi dharm ko maanne waalo se behtar aur shaanti priye hue?”

Yabanov muskuraye, unhe us yuva shishya ki imaandaar jigyasa achchhi lagi kyoki aksar ya to unhe Yabari dharm k liye ladne marne ki baat karne wale samarthak milte the ya unke auhde k darr se aesi jigyasayen hote hue bhi naa puchhne wale samarthak jo unko hi Bhagwan ka roop maante the.

Yabanov – “Shaanti aur vyavhar ka dharmik hone ya na hone se zyada vyakti ki parvarish par nirbhar karta hai. Kisi dharm ki neev galat nahi hoti. Galat hote hai uska apne matlab anusaar arth nikal kar dushprachar karne waale bade neta, pracharak aur dharm guru. Samay k saath dharm ki wo pavitr neev to kahin bhula di jaati hai par Upar waale k naam se darne wale kuch anuyayi bach jaate hai jo adhure gyan k saath aur sadiyon se chali aa rahi galat paramparaon ki raksha k aadambar mey jeevan k asli udeshyon se bhatak kar arajakta failate hai, paap karte hai.

Dharm logo ko sangathit karne ka ek zariya hai. Ab ye sangathit shakti sahi disha mey jaati hai ya galat ye is par nirbhar karta hai ki wo dharm sadiyon ki jhuthti paramparon par tika hai ya shuruat se bani uski neev par jo samay k saath manavta k vikas k liye khud mey badlaav hone layak lacheelapan rakhti hai.”

Yabari dharm ka ek baar phir se badhta daayra Illumnaat k saamne chunauti pesh kar raha tha. Salahkaar Vardha bhi is shaanti priy dharm k badhte prabhav ko rokne k paksh mey tha kyoki dharm ka jo hathiyaar Illumnaat isteymaal kar raha tha wo kisi aur dharm k badhne par kunnd pad sakta tha. Yabari k badhne ki mukhya wajah Yabanov the jo dharm prachar karne k liye aksar apne rajya ki seemao k paas shivir lagate the jinme bhaari bheed jut ti thi aur unhe badi sankhya mey naye Yabari anuyayi milte the.

Ek seemavarti gaon mey aese hi shivir k dauraan padosi rajya ka ek doot sandesh laya ki Illumnaat ki aakramak nitiyon par yojna banane k liye bache hue kuch chhote dharmo ke adhyaksho aur mukhya anuyayiyon  ki ek gupt sthaan par saiyukt baithak hai. Yabanov apne darjan bhar prabhavi santo aur purohito ko saath lekar Yabari dharm ka pratinidhitva karne us rajya mey nishchit gupt sthaan par pahunche jahan unhe kuch aur dharmo k astitva k liye sangharsh kar rahe dharm guru aur mahant-purohit, anuyayi mile.

Sabha shuru hui sab upasthit hastiyon ne apni yojnayen aur nitiyan samooh k saath baanti. Yabanov ne bhi aane wale samay k liye apni nitiyan baithak mey sabhi ko batayi. Abhi baithak chal hi rahi thi ki us sabha par naqabposh sainik tukdi ka hamla ho gaya jisme sabha k bahut se sadasya mare gaye. Sainik se sant bane Yabanov ne us baithak k sadasyon ki raksha k liye talwar utha li par hamlavaro ki sankhya zyada thi jiski wajah se thode sangharsh k baad unhe andhere mey bhaagna pada. Pata chala ki us padosi rajya k shashak aur dhram guru ko Illumnaat ne khareed liya tha aur ye bache hue dharm guruon ki sabha karva kar unki hatya karvane ka shadiyantra usi ka tha.

Zakhmi Yabanov ne apne saath bhaag kar bache logo ko dekha to unme Yabari k 6 sant aur anuyayi, Prentak Dharm k ek Dharm Guru Swahil, 3 Prentak sant aur unka wo yuva poorv-shishya jo ab Nastik ban chuka tha aur sabha mey aastik logo k tabke ka pratinidhitva kar raha tha bache. In sabne jungle se sate ek gaon mey sharan li.

Yabanov ko paristhiti anusaar apni niti mey badlaav karne pade. Ab unhe bhi chhadm rehkar apna dharm prachar karna tha. Unke aade aa rahi thi ek cheez ki jab koi chhup kar rehta hai to uska dushman uske bare mey lagataar afwahen faila sakta hai jinme se har kisi ka jawab dena sambhav nahi…..jawabo k abhaav mey samarthako mey sandeh badhta hai aur samay k saath wo doosre dharm ya neta ka rukh kar lete hai. Illuminaat ke failaye dhongi netao, Guruon ki afwahon ne janta mey sandeh k beej bo diye the.

Yabanov aur Swahil k dharm alag the par vichar mel khaate the. Dono mey aadhyatmik vishyo aur apne anubhavo par lambi baat-cheet hoti thi. Ek doosre k liye dono ka samman badh raha tha. Yabanov k paas apne dharm ka pavitr pracheen granth tha jo har peedhi k saath mukhya dharm guru ko di jaati thi. Yabari logo ki is kitaab aur apne mukhya dharm guru mey aseem shraddha thi. Manyata thi ki ye kitaab jab tak surakshit rahegi tab tak Yarabi Ishwar apne anuyayiyon par kripa rahegi. Chhoti afwahon ka asar logo par utna nahi hua par Yabanov ki anupasthiti mey ek badi afwah failayi gayi ki Yabanov ne ek veshya k saude mey ye pavitr kitaab doosre dharm k hawale kar di jinhone ye kitaab milte hi isko jala diya.

Yabanov tak jab ye baat pahunchi to unhone nishchay kiya ki wo apni gatividhiyan badhate hue sthaniye melo, gram sabhao mey apni jaan ka jokhim lete hue Pavitr Kitaab k saath logo k saamne aayenge. Unke poorv shishya Fromos jo us dal mey ekmatr nastik tha ne unhe sujhav diya ki kitaab ki pratilipiyan banakar rakhen taaki agar kitaab nasht ho jaaye to janta ka vishwas bana rahe aur jahan Yabanov na jaa paye wahan unke shihsya-sant pratilipiyan lekar jaaye. Din beete aur Yabanov ne pavitr kitaab ke saath abhi kuch hi jagah darshan diye the ki ek raat unhone shor suna.

Unhone mashalon ki roshni mey dekha ki Prentak k ek anuyayi ko Fromos maar raha tha uske aas-paas hi kuch lashen padi thi jinki shinakht mushkil thi. Yabanov ne chinta mey idhar udhar dekha unhe dekh kar raahat mili ki Swahil zinda the aur saath hi unke shivir mey so rahe 2 Yabari anuyayi bhi. Peeche se gaon waalo ki bheed aa rahi thi. Fromos aur Yabanov ki nighahen mili aur phir afra tafri k mahaul mey Fromos gayab ho gaya. Wahan 7 lashen thi jinme se 3 par Prentak aur 4 par Yabari santo k kapde the, unke chehre aur shareer chaku ya pathar se kuche gaye the. Nishkarsh nikala gaya ki Nastik Fromos ne Prentak aur Yabari k santo mey matbhed faila kar dono ko ladva diya aur jo bach nikle unhe khud maar diya jinme se ek katl Yabanov aur Swahil ne dekha bhi tha. Par Yabanov ko Fromos ki nazron ne kuch aur kaha tha, Yabanov k liye ye sachchai maanna mushkil tha, pavitr kitaab bhi gayab thi uski pratilipiyan abhi ban bhi nahi paayi thi. Yabanov ne sab gaon walo ko dilasa dete hue kaha ki kitaab surakshit hai aur kuch samay tak jungle k is shetra mey na aayen kyoki is tarah wo jagah-jagah ghoom rahe jasooso ya sainiko ki nazar mey aakar sandeh badha sakte hai.

Saavdhani k liye lasho ko bistarbandhon mey bandh kar naqabposho k hamle mey bache 12 mey se ab 4 log sudoor junglon mey chale gaye. Yabanov ki ichha thi ki bade santo ki lasho ki antim kriya sabhi reeti rivajo k saath ho isliye sabki ichchha k viruddh jaate hue unhone lasho ko dho kar chalte rehne ka nirnay liya. Yabari mey lasho ko dafnane ka sabse paavan samay poornima ki raat maana jata hai jisme Yabari pavitr kitaab k anusaar farishte chaand ki sheetal kirno k zariye apni lash ya sad rahe avshesho k aas-paas bhatak rahi aatmao ko lene aate hai. Poornima aane mey abhi poore 6 din the, ek gaon wala khabar laya ki sainiko k ek tukdi ne elaka chinhit kar liya hai aur wo jungle mey ghus chuke hai. Khatre se door hone k liye lasho ko dhote hue wo log lagataar bhagte rahe aur 4 dino baad unhone ek pahadi gufa ki sharan li.

Prentak dharm guru Swahil apne saathiyon k maare jaane se bahut dukhi the. Unhone apne mrit santo ki aakhri ichchha anusaar unke shav pehle hi Prentak anuyayiyon k liye pujniye nadi Ridyel mey baha diye the. Par ab bhi wo 4 log durgam sthitiyon mey Yabari santo k 6 shav dho rahe the jo ab sadne lage the aur unki badbu badh rahi thi. Is palayan mey gaon waalo se mili rasad peeche chhut gayi thi. Lagataar bhaagne se dimaag aur shareer kund pad rahe the.

Guru Swahil itni vedna, thakaan aur bhookh jhel nahi paaye wo behosh ho gaye. Jab wo hosh mey aaye to unhe Guru Yabanov ne nadi ka paani pilaya aur khaane ko pakaya hua maans diya. Swahil ko jaise khazana mil gaya ho dino ki bhookh mitane ko wo maans khane lage. Thoda kha lene k baad usne dekha ki Yabanov udaas baithe hai aur unke 2 anuyayi sankoch se unhe dekh rahe hai.

Swahil sthiti bhaamp kar dheeme swar mey samjhate hue bole –

“Hum logo par bahut jeevan nirbhar hai, mai jaanta hun aap logo ka dharm maansahar ki ijazat nahi deta. Par wo to mera bhi nahi deta, abhi hum log mar gaye to ye baaten aage hazaro lakho logo tak kaun pahunchayega?”

Yabanov ka chehra aur swar sakht ho gaya, “Meri taraf mat dekho santo, mai zinda reh lunga. Kachcha maans mat khao. Prentak Guru Swahil ki tarah paka hua maans khana shuru karo. Khud ko zinda rakhna hai….”

Par dono anuyayi apna sar jhukaye bilakh bilakh kar rone lage.

Yabanov – “Lagta hai tum dono aese nahi maanoge, ye dekho Mai! Tumhara dharm guru ye maans kha raha hai. Ab khao….Santo…Yabari k naam par khao…shayad upar waale ki yahi marzi hai.”

2 din bhar pet khaane k baad Yabanov aage ki yojna par vichar karne lage santo k saath.

Swahil – “Laashen kahan hai? Kya aap logo ne lasho ki antim kriya kar di? Par poornima to aaj hai.”

Swahil ko jab sach pata chala to wo nishabd hokar zameen par baith gaye. Unki behoshi kuch ghante ki thi jis dauraan 3 lashen bhediyon ka jhund utha le gaya tha jinhe kamzor pad chuke Yabanov aur 2 sant rok nahi paaye. Kisi tarah aag jalakar jungli jaanvaro ko bhagaya. Yabanov ne aakhri bachi lash ka maans paka kar Swahil ko diya….taaki wo zinda reh saken, ye sab dekh kar apne bhagya ko kos rahe 2 anuyayiyon ka sankoch mitane k liye unhone khud bhi apne hi shishya-sant ka maans khaya.

Swahil ne Yamanov ko bataya ki Jungle ki pashchimi disha mey Illumnaat k Zehrab desh k paas 2 jungli kabile Prentak dharm ko maante hai wahin se surakshit reh kar kuch dino tak Illumnaat k viruddh apna abhiyaan chalaya jaa sakta hai. Yabanov ne lasho ko lekar bhaagne mey raaste bhar mehsoos kiya ki koi unhe dekh raha hai par ye aniyamit sone aur khaane k lakshan bhi ho sakte the isliye zyada dhyaan nahi diya. Phir se jaan jokhim mey daalte hue wo log durgam jungle, pahadon se guzarte hue jab kabile se sirf kuch ghanto ki doori par reh gaye tab un logo ne aaram karne k liye apna shivir dala par wahan bhi durbhagya ne dastak di aur dono Yabari santo ko saanp ne kaat liya aur unki maut ho gayi. Unke Muh se nikalte jhaag dekh kar Yabanov ka dhairya toot gaya aur  wo dahade maar kar krandan karne lage. Wo unhe asahay se dekh rahe Guru Swahil se lipat kar rone lage. Swahil ne unhe santvna di aur dono ne phir kabilo ki taraf ka safar shuru kiya. Aakhirkar dono un kabilon par pahunche.

Ummeed se ulat achanak Nastik Fromos ne ek baar phir hamla kiya, is baar Swahil ghayal hue aur is se pehle ki unpar Fromos dwara gambhir vaar hota Yabanov ne unki puar sun peechhe se Fromos ko zakhmi kar diya, jab tak kabile waale aate tab tak Fromos faraar ho chuka tha.

Usi din kabile mey bahut se sainik aaye aur unhone Yabanov ko giraftaar kar liya. Jabki hasta hua Swahil aur dono kabile ye tamasha dekh rahe the.

Swahil – “Illumnaat k mukhya salahkaar Vardah ka abhinandan swikar kijiye, Guru Yabanov….ha ha ha ha….”

Yabanov – “Itna bada chhal? Par kyu Swahil?”

Swahil (Vardah) – “Tujhe to hum kabhi bhi yun hi masal dete par teri shakti tera dharm hai, teri chhavi hai. Marna tujhe amar farishta bana deta. Ek Yabari hi dharm hai jispar humey paar pana tha baaki to yun hi kuchle jaate. Par Yabari k uday se kukurmutto ki tarah bagawat ki aandhi jagah-jagah failne lagi. Log humpar prashn karne lage….aur prashno k uttar dene mey mai bachpan se kachcha hun. Humey teri maut nahi, tere dharm ki maut chahiye taaki ye vidroh k badal eksaath chhant jaaye. Tere naam ka isteymaal kar bada prachar kar diya hai hum logo ne ki wo vaishya waali afwah sahi thi aur na tere paas Yabari ka pavitr kitaab hai. Ab teri saarvjanik maut k saath Jirawo aur Zehrabmay ho jayega.”

Yabanov – “Oh…Fromos…”

Swahil – “Haan, Nastik Fromos ne bada pareshaan kiya. Tere sant maar dene k baad unki lashen jagah- jagah se kuch di thi aur unhi k saath gaon k 3 logo ki lasho ko Prentak anuyayiyon yaani mere gupt-charo ki poshak pehna kar waise hi kuch diya gaya jagah jagah se. Par Fromos ko bhanak lagi aur usne mere 2 guptchar maar daale aur teesre ko hum dono k saamne ghayal kar diya, in teeno ko andhere ki aad mey maine hi chhupa diya. Kuch batane se pehle Fromos ko bhi bhaagna pada. Beech safar mey Fromos ek – do baar humare paas tak aaya par maine raste badal liye, aakhir mey jab kabile k paas usne hamla kiya to meri kismat achchhi rahi aur uski buri. Wo granth jungle ki mutbhed mey Fromos le uda…par kitab ka uske paas rehna ya jal jana ek hi baat hai…aakhir wo aastik jo thehra.”

Kuch dino baad us “Niyati Divas” par Zehrab ki rajdhani Jirawan mey lakho logo ki bheed lag gayi jo Illumnaat aur Vardha ki baaton par vishwaas nahi kar paa rahe the ki Yabanov ek dhongi, kroor-paapi Dharm guru tha jo aiyyash tha, jisne ek veshya k liye Yabari k pavitr granth ko bhi bech diya. Ye jaan kar kai chhoti-badi afwahon se pehle se hi sandeh mey doobe log Jirawo dharm apna lenge.

Illumnaat – “To kaise maare Yabanov ko? Koi tadapne waali dheemi maut theek rahegi taaki wo jan samooh k saamne dard se cheekhta rahe aur ye lage ki Yabari k bhagwan apne sabse bade anuyayi ko bhi nahi bacha paa rahe?”

Vardah – “Samrat! Aapko ek sujhav dena chahunga. Yabanov ko maanne waalo ki sankhya bahut hai, buddhe ne itne achchhe kaam kar rakhe hai jeevan bhar ki logo ko ab bhi shaq hai ki humne afwahen failayi hai, Yabanov ko zabardasti bandi banaya hai aur khud hi Yabari ka granth jala diya hai. Uske liye maine khaas saza sochi hai….Top se udana, shero ka bhojan banvana ya jala dena to aam saza ho gayi, maine kuch rajyo k adhyan mey dekha ki wahan fansi ki saza prachlit hai aur us se judi ek khaas baat bhi…..”

Us nishchit din Illumnaat k kile k upar Vardah aur Illumnaat maujood the. Bheed apne aadarsh Yabanov ko bandha dekh asmanjas mey thi. Tabhi bhompu pakde Vardah ne granhit swar mey bolna shuru kiya.

Vardah – “Ek taraf Yabari hai jo dushto ka dharm hai, paapiyon ka dharm hai. Wahan k dharm guru manav maans khaate hai, kaali sadhnayen karte hai, khooni hai, aiyyash hai…sirf ek vaishya k liye inhone peedhiyon se chala aa raha apna pavitr granth tak bali chadha diya. Ek taraf hai Illumnaat, Zehrab ka Jirawo jo pavitr hai, humey achchhai k marg par chalne ko prerit karta hai, doosro ki madad ko prerit karta hai, jiska Ishwar paapiyon ko dandit karta hai aur aaj ek aesa hi paapi unke darbaar mey dandit hone aaya hai. Ab ye aap par hai ki aap Yarabi jaise dushto k dharmo ko chunte hai ya paavan Jirawo ko….”

Apni taraf se soche gaye manghadant apradho aur sabooton, gawahon k bal par ye kehkar Yabanov ko fansi ki vedi tak laaya gaya ki aage ka saboot khud Jirawo k Ishwar denge.

Faansi hone par kuch der chhatpatane k baad Yabanov ka shareer shithil pad gaya aur unka guptang sakht ho kar khada ho gaya aur uske aas-paas kapdo mey thoda geelapan aa gaya.

*Death Erection/Angle Lust

A death erection is a post-mortem erection observed in the corpses of men who have been executed, particularly by hanging (90%).

Vardah ki to jaise mannat poori ho gayi.

“Dekha aap logo ne Jirawo ke Ishwar ne dikha diya ki wo Yabari jaise dooshit dharmo k ishwaro se behtar hai. Yabari k Dharm Guru ki jaan nikalne k baad bhi Vasna uske shareer mey basi reh gayi aur us paapi ka guptang khada ho gaya…ye humare Ishwar ki jeet ka sanket hai.”

Janta niruttar aur avak thi.

मिली बरसात ज़मी से तेरी महक लायी,
क़ुदरत भी सीख गयी इंसानों सी रुसवाई.
देखी हर रस्म सरे-आम पस्त होते हुए,
कितने ज़हरीले लफ्ज़ ज़ेहन मे पेवस्त होते हुए.

हुयी जो रौशनी कम तेरी यादों से नम आँखों मे,
उसको भी मौसम की धुंध मान लिया…
दरो-दिवार रंगी कालिख से शहर वालो ने,
उसी कालिख से शहर भर मे तेरा नाम लिखा….

दहशत के दौर में लगे बंदे ईमान ढकने ..
सराय में लगे ऊँचे अल्फाज़ बिकने।

इल्म था की जंग बराबरी की होगी …
सामना हुआ तो हम मज़हबी निकले …वो मतलबी निकले।

खुदा को अर्जी दूँगा की हर फकीर की मौत का दिन उस से भी बाँट ले ….
हमे जन्नत जल्दी जाने मे कोई हर्ज़ नहीं है …
पर किसी फ़कीर के छोड़े अधूरे कामो का दुनिया मे कहीं मर्ज़ नहीं है।

मुद्दत से दौड़ा किये जिस जन्नत सी मंजिल की ओर,
पहुँचने पर एहसास हुआ की सफ़र मे साथ लगी धुल ने उसको बेनूर किया.

और जाना की दस्तूरो ने हमेशा झूठ  कहा…..

रास्ता तो बिन बोले ही धूल बनकर साथ हो लिया….

ओर एक ये मंजिल है जो पास आने पर बहाने बनाती है!

मुद्दत से हमने ख्वाबो  को देखना छोड़ दिया,

कटीली राहों पर हर कदम ने रंगीन निशान छोड़ दिया.

मंजिलो के सामने मुकद्दर मुकर गया,

ज़माने को साथ लेने के इंतज़ार मे ज़माना ही गुज़र गया!

जशन की आड़ मे रुखसत हुआ…साजिश थी मेरी,
बिना रुलाये तुझसे हाथ जो छुड़ाना था!
मुड़ा जो तुझसे तो खुदगर्ज़ क्यों मान लिया?
ये भी एक जरिया है गम को छुपाने का!

Kile k kone se ek aur aawaz goonji.

“Haan! Yabanov dhongi tha isliye jab usne sapne mey apna antim samay dekh liya to  pashchyatap mey usne mujhe Dharm Guru banaya tha. Iska saboot hai ye Yabari ka pavitr granth jo mere paas hai. Mai hun Yabari ka dharm guru….aur mera ishwar dusht nahi hai. Dusht Illumnaat aur uske anuyayi hai. Iska saboot mey khud fansi par latak kar dunga…”

Yeh Fromos tha jo poori taiyaari k saath aaya tha. Is se pehle ki kile k sainik us hisse tak aate, Fromos rassi k sahare teele par banaye ek manch par pahuncha jahan usne pehle hi fansi kaintezaam kar rakha tha.

Wo ab bhi nastik tha par apne aadarsh Guru Yabanov k saath hui nainsafi se usme pratishodh ki bhavna thi aur bewakoof-andhi janta ko Vardah, Illumnaat aur Jirawo ki jagah Yabari jaise dharm ka anuyayi banta dekhna zyada behtar tha. Kabile k paas Vardah par kiye hamle mey nakaam hone k baad wo chhup gaya aur kuch dino baad avsad mitane vaishyalay chala gaya, jahan use pata chala ki “Swahil” (Vardah) ki raksha karne waale Yabanov ki talwar se lagi chot se aesa asar hua ki ab uska guptang kabhi khada nahi ho sakta.

Logo ne us manch ko gher liya aur koi kuch samajh paata is se pehle hi Fromos ne khud ko fansio laga li…par is baar uska guptang khada nahi hua.

Fromos k aakhri shabd the – “Erectile Dysfunction Bitches!”

Janta wo pavitr granth dekh aur Fromos ki sthiti dekh dange par utar aayi aur thode sangharsh k baad Yabari samarthako dwara Illuminaat ka takhta palat kiya gaya.

*Erectile dysfunction is sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis.

The End!